Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Let's paint friendship bongs
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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