and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
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Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
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No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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