Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
