dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
