yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
