my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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