Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
