the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Randomize
