Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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