how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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