I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
