: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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