Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
