True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
birth control should be required to get into college
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
