I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
why do cheetos always look like penises
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
