you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
