i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize