Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
