these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
