Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
