if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
