I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
