He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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