The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize