Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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