she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
