He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
