No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
