There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
