Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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