Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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