Whod you bang
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
