i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
