Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
