No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
