I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
