Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
