I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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