xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
