No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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