She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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