Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
