So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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