Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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