I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
