operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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