I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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