You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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