I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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