whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
