after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He better not be in your backpack
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
