Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
