ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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