Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
