My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He did a backflip because drugs
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
