my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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