How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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