this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes