Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Randomize
