We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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