do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card