did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.