winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
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Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
Dude. She just shit herself.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow