omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
