just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
