never play flip cup with pint glasses
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
