I skipped work to stalk him.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
