The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
