Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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