I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
