I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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