I want to have your abortion
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
