He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
