You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
