Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
