is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
