Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
