I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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