just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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