so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
