I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
