When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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